How to Be Successful in Counseling Your First Time

Starting the journey of counseling is intimidating for many people. For those who have never done it before, often they have no idea where to begin. Some people may feel embarrassed. Others may feel lost or confused. A large portion of people also feel helpless. All of these emotions can feel overwhelming and often times may induce fear causing the person to not seek therapy at all. Making the decision to link with a counselor is a fantastic start in the journey of self improvement. However, all too often, that is where it ends for many people. Just because a person decides to link with a counselor, doesn't mean that they take the next step with finding one and making that connection. Fear, embarrassment and helplessness often times get in the way and pose as a barrier.

This is why I feel compelled to write this post. Your counseling journey does not have to stop there. I'm here to explain the next step in actually FINDING a therapist. There are multiple ways in linking with the "right" therapist for you. You can be successful the first time you connect with a counselor if you choose to do a little research and take time for genuine thought beforehand. Think about it. Whenever, you want to invest in doing something properly, you don't just make an impulsive decision and fly with it. For example, when you are thinking about purchasing a new vehicle, you don't just go to a dealership and buy the first one you see. (At least I'm assuming most people don't). You consider what model would be most appropriate for you. Depending on your age or phase of life you're living, may have an impact on your overall decision. If you are a soccer Mom with four children at home, you may consider a Mini Van or even a large SUV to fit your family and their belongings. If you are someone who travels on the road for business often you may consider something smaller with the best gas mileage. If you live somewhere cold and snowy, you may be geared toward something with 4-Wheel Drive that is higher off the ground. Once you have an idea of what is best suited for you, then maybe you test drive a few vehicles and consider your budget.  You may find your dream vehicle the first time around or you may test drive a few before you commit. Linking with a counselor is very similar process.

Let's think about it. Linking with a therapist can be a big emotional and even financial investment. You are planning to meet with someone, who knows nothing about you, and you are planning on telling them very private thoughts and feelings about yourself. You are allowing yourself to become vulnerable so that this individual can help you. You may be opening up to this person about things that you haven't told many people,  or possibly anybody. You may be processing feelings that you didn't know existed. Wouldn't you want to do your homework on who you are trusting this person to be?

Just like finding the best model vehicle suited for you, there are many counselors who may have the model background suited for you as well. Some counselors specialize in grief and loss while others may specialize in marriage or family therapy. There are counselors who may be specialized in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which assists clients who have had significant trauma in their lives. Some therapists specialize in addiction and co-dependency. Others may take a more religious approach. Would that conflict with your beliefs? There may be counselors who claim to specialize in "everything." Do you believe them? How old are they? How much experience do they have? Does age matter to you? Do you prefer a male counselor or a female counselor? Does that make a difference in what you are choosing to work on with them? How about a transgendered counselor? How long ago did they graduate? Would that matter to you? Sure, that counselor may only be ten minutes away from where you live, but do you think it will be the best fit for you? What if you run into a neighbor or someone you know at the counselor's office that lives in the same town as you do. I think now you are seeing my point. There are a wide variety of counselors out there and NOT every one may be right for you. Most counselors and therapists have a website for you to learn more about them and their background. I highly recommend doing your homework to weed out the counselors that you know would not be a good fit for what you are looking for.

There are more factors to consider. After doing your research, you may find who you believe to be the perfect therapist based on your needs, values and background. You click on their "fees" and your heart sinks. They don't take insurance. You want to scream. You did all of this homework only to find that this counselor charges $120 per session. This is another factor to consider when finding that "perfect" therapist. There are a number of reasons as to why counselors choose NOT to link with insurance panels. Currently, this also applies to myself. Insurance companies can create a large barrier to the therapeutic process. Insurance companies require a clinician to have a diagnosis for a client after day one of meeting with them. Hmmm....a diagnosis. After 60 minutes of meeting with a client a diagnosis has to be figured out? That doesn't seem right. Unfortunately, this is accurate. In order to get reimbursed by your insurance company, clinicians have to justify to them why you are in need of counseling services, and this starts with a "diagnosis" and code. Throughout your counseling services the insurance company may also require your counselor to continue explaining to them why you are still in need of services and ask your counselor to fill out paperwork of what you're working on. Suddenly, it doesn't seem so private anymore, does it? If you do NOT like this idea, linking with the counselor who doesn't take insurance may be a better fit for you. Yes, it may be more out of your pocket, but just like anything that is worth investing in, wouldn't you say your mental health and well-being should be at the top of that list? I think so to. 

One additional factor I want to focus on is scheduling. You may have decided on which counselor you want to reach out to. You may have even  jotted down his or her phone number or email with the intention to reach out next week, but are still waiting because today has been a good day and you don't know for sure if you need counseling. One thing I can't stress enough, as a counselor myself, is that our schedules book up quickly. If you are considering reaching out but are not sure because today is a good day......reach out anyways. Many counselors may be booked weeks out or even have a waiting list. Call and make that first initial connection, because when next week finally comes around and you realize you DO need that appointment, the counselor may not be able to get you in as quickly as you hoped. Also, reaching out to that counselor will give you the opportunity to ask any questions and address any concerns you may have over the phone. Many counselors (including myself) offer free phone consultations before scheduling to make sure that they are an appropriate fit for what you are looking for. 

When you do meet with your counselor for the first time remember that this is YOUR SESSION. This is YOUR TIME. It is YOUR THERAPY with the goals that YOU CREATE with your counselor. Make sure that you are open and honest with your counselor about your thoughts and needs for therapy. A good therapist will respect this and a great therapist will be able to help you in achieving those goals. Practicing skills that your therapist teaches you is essential for growth. Take counseling seriously and view it as one of the best investments you can make for your personal growth, self-esteem and overall wellness. It will be worth it.