How to Engage in Conflict in a Healthy Way

Not many people like conflict. Some even go out of their way to avoid it. But, that’s not realistic. Conflict happens, whether we like it or not. However, it doesn’t always have to be a negative thing.

In many ways, conflict can help to strengthen relationships and work through problems. But, it needs to be done the right way.

Yes, there’s a right way to disagree about things and work through them, even if it might be uncomfortable at times.

Let’s take a look at how you can engage in conflict in a healthy way. Whether you’re dealing with a co-worker, a spouse, a family member, or a friend, there’s always a way to work through a disagreement and end up stronger than before.

Think About the Problem

Conflicts don’t often occur because of one person. While that can happen sometimes, it typically “takes two to tango.” They often happen due to a difference of opinion or different ideas on how to do something.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having those ideas. If we all agreed on everything, the world would be a very boring place.

But, you can disagree and still not feel the need to argue. Before you decide to engage in conflict, think about the situation. Consider the problem and your thoughts on it. Why do you disagree with the other person? Why are you passionate about it? What could you do differently, or how might you shift your perspective?

Sometimes, taking a step back to think about the conflict can help to de-escalate it. Doing so will make it less likely that you’ll argue, and more likely that you’ll be willing to problem-solve with another person.

Practice Active Listening

When you’re engaged in conflict, it’s tempting to state your case and put your foot down. But, that will never get you anywhere. You’ll never come to a real resolution, and you could end up harming relationships in the process.

Choose to be an active listener when you’re trying to work out a problem with someone. For starters, it shows that person that you respect them. That simple sign of respect will go a long way in keeping the intensity of the conflict calm. They’ll also be more likely to show you the same respect in return when it’s your turn to speak.

Active listening can also open your eyes to ideas or suggestions you might not have considered before. Don’t harden your heart or your mind when it comes to a particular topic. Be open to listening and understanding.

Don’t Assume the Worst

When you look at the person you’re in conflict with as an enemy, you’re setting yourself up for disaster before you even start speaking.

You don’t necessarily have to be on the same side as someone. But, it doesn’t automatically make them a foe. Having different perspectives or opinions doesn’t mean you can’t get along. In fact, someone with different ideas could end up challenging you and helping you grow as a person.

Look at that person, instead, as someone put into your life that can teach you something, even if the lessons are hard. By changing your perspective on people like that, you’re more likely to get through conflicts without arguing. You’re also more likely to learn more about yourself.

If more people learned how to engage in conflict in healthy ways, we wouldn’t have a lot of the major issues we’re facing as a society. You might not want to change the world with your own personal conflict resolution. But, you can start small. Keep these ideas in mind the next time you’re faced with a conflicting situation or a difficult individual. The results might surprise you.

If you are interested in learning more about couples therapy, feel free to contact me when you are ready.